Speaking English

I have long said that if you found yourself in "Merry Ol' England," you might have difficulty understanding the English language.

Now don't get me wrong, English is English. But, is English really English?

The wonderful people on the other side of the big pond have their way with the English language, and they should. After all, its their creation. They still have their own unique way of spelling words, using what we as American see as unnecessary letters such as "colour" for "color."

But the differences go much further than that. For instance, the British might say "anti-clockwise" for the good old American phrase "counter clockwise." Where we might say "good bye," the British might say "pip up."

Granted, that's just a small sampling of the differences between what I call "British English" and "American English." I suppose the differences would be startling and scary if you were an avid traveler, but seldom would the majority of our population be in a "tizzy" over the differences they could come in contact with.

On the other hand, I am and have always been disturbed with the use of language in the USA that violates one of the components that I believe has long made us a strong country. We have fought side-by-side taking on all-comers because we could understand what the guy next to us in the foxhole, on the sidewalk, at the next work cubicle, in Row 3 or on the bus said/asked.

We have long been a nation without a true national language, yet different races and different nationalities accepted English as the spoken word in the USA and were assimilated into our culture.

Today, however, that doesn't seem to be the case. Urban dialogue and foreign tongues are as common as good old American English. It is disturbing to walk through the downtown of a large city and feel like you as an American citizen are in a foreign country.

Not too long ago I made a phone call to a business and the automated answering machine said something like, "If you would like this phone call to proceed in English, please press one." Needless to say I was furious. I pressed one, did my business, and waited for the option that would allow me to comment. When the beep opened up the dialogue option to me I said, "I have been an English speaking resident for 57 years. Let those that don't speak English push number one."

Maybe I am old fashioned, but I always thought and grew up believing that when you live in a country and adopt it as your home, you learn to speak the language of that country. But, that doesn't seeem to be the case in the USA. We have Latinos singing the National Anthem in Spanish. We see directions for things we bought being printed in English and perhaps five or six other languages. We have signs posted in multiple languages

You can tell me to get a life; that this is the way of the modern culture; or that in the land of the free, these people have the right to speak their language of choice. I won't argue, but why must it be forced on me, a 57-year old ENGLISH speaking American citizen.

And then, the Urban dialects that come out of the inner city of America is just about as appalling. Case in point, even Bill Cosby has attacked members of his own race for speaking a "language" that freightens a vast portion of the population and is undefinable to most people.

I mention the the Urban dialects because I received an intersting e mail the other day. Since there is no reference to who should be credited for this creation, I apologize and ask forgiveness for publishing it here--but I think it makes clear the point I am trying to make.

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TENJOOBERRYMUDS"... This is a hoot .... sad, because it is TRUE ..... but a hoot!!!! By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND "TENJOOBERRYMUDS"...In order to continue getting-by in America (our home land), we all need to learn the NEW English language!
Just Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term "TENJOOBERRYMUDS".With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in. Now, here goes...

The following is a telephone exchange between maybe you as a hotel guest and call room-service somewhere in the good old U S A today......

Room Service: "Morrin. Roon sirbees."
Guest: "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."
Room Service: "Rye . Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"
Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."
Room Service: "Ow July den?"
Guest: ".....What? ?"
Room Service: "Ow July den?!?... pryed, boyud, poochd?"
Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. scrambled, please."
Room Service: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"
Guest: "Crisp will be fine."
Room Service: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"
Guest: "What?"
Room Service: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"
Guest: "I... don't think so."
RoomService: "No? Judo wan sahn toes???"
Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."
RoomService: "Toes! Toes!...Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"
Guest: "Oh, English muffin!!! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'... Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RoomService: "We bodder?"
Guest: "No, just put the bodder on the side."
RoomService: "Wad?!?" Guest: "I mean butter... just put the butter on the side."
RoomService: "Copy?"Guest: "Excuse me?"
RoomService: "Copy...tea..meel?"Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... and that's everything." RoomService: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy ... rye??"
Guest: "Whatever you say."
RoomService: "Tenjooberrymuds."
Guest: "You're welcome"

Remember I said "By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND 'TENJOOBERRYMUDS' ".....and you do, don't you?